We have increased our doctor's appointments to twice per week because I am having contractions (but my cervix is normal.) It was so assuring to have the nurse walk in during our non-stress test (NST) and without much glance, was able to determine: "oh wow, Rylee is healthy and happy". Her heartbeat and movement are great and my health report was so positive. I still haven't gained any weight, and while my doc worries, I am not complaining! With all of these appointments, I feel thankful for insurance (it is SO expensive!!), supportive doctors who listen, an incredible husband, friends, family and God's grace to allow me to handle hours of poking, prodding and the abandonment of my modest imposition! :)
This is the first week since moving to Seattle that I have a sense of "settling in" to my life here. It was a comfortable peace--a gift I had not realized I needed. It was a piece of the puzzle that came together and Rylee will benefit from the blessing.
With Japan's tragedy consuming the news, I wonder how to pray. Do I pray that the Lord doesn't come back until after Rylee's born? I secretly have...Do I pray that God never bring a catastrophe like that again and that all of the people get their "stuff" back? I can make it really complicated and then I remember the Lord's reminder in 2 Corinthians that when I don't have the words, god is perfect to rescue you me in my weakness...to rescue all of us in our time of need. Thank you God that I can pray for Japan and you know the needs; that I can pray for my daughter and you already have this new family in your hands. Continue to bring to my mind a love for others and time set apart to bring them before you in trust that you answer prayer.
I cannot wait for Rylee to come. My friends from work are having a shower for me this Saturday and the church next Sunday...we are SO blessed!! Scott is so cute...he is busy-bodied nester around the house most nights. I will post pics of the shower soon...until then...
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Trying to turn my selfishness into selflessness...
But I am having some trouble. This has been a rough week and I am emotionally exhausted as a result. In the same breath though, I am grateful because everything I am feeling/experiencing is completely normal in pregnancy! So, some of you may be able to relate...
I am ready to go back to the gym. As spring approaches, I would like to abandon my waddle and embrace bathing suit inspiration (so don't go anywhere, just sit tight and I will get back to you ASAP!) It is the whiny voice inside of my head that yearns for smaller everything and "normal" shopping sprees to Nordstrom Rack. I miss snuggling with my husband and having my dog lay on my belly without someone quite literally kicking him off.
I am also ready to get back to school. Despite my best efforts, I have been defeated by pregnancy and cancer, therefore, I am delaying one more time. I feel like a broken record calling the school with the same sob story now for the second time, but also my pride takes a blow as it delays my goals.
I miss going out with friends. Being the pregnant one at a concert is kind of a buzz-kill for anyone who wants to get loud or drink. And I miss THE OPPORTUNITY, not necessarily the action of having a cold beer every blue moon (pun intended...with an orange.)
I look at these three complaints and I realize that I naively dreamt of all of things going back to the way I once knew them. Ha, silly Nikki. Yet, I smile that I have new opportunities to sneak off to the gym will Rylee is at grandma's house, or cherish 10 minutes with my husband alone. Not for any negative reason, but because God is blessing us with a baby girl.
Rylee Nicole, you are worth every single change in my life. God, give Scott and I wisdom to know how lucky we are and to cherish change and the moments that are as we remembered.
I guess I'll write Monday...it is a big doctor day as we will decide about a C-section!
I am ready to go back to the gym. As spring approaches, I would like to abandon my waddle and embrace bathing suit inspiration (so don't go anywhere, just sit tight and I will get back to you ASAP!) It is the whiny voice inside of my head that yearns for smaller everything and "normal" shopping sprees to Nordstrom Rack. I miss snuggling with my husband and having my dog lay on my belly without someone quite literally kicking him off.
I am also ready to get back to school. Despite my best efforts, I have been defeated by pregnancy and cancer, therefore, I am delaying one more time. I feel like a broken record calling the school with the same sob story now for the second time, but also my pride takes a blow as it delays my goals.
I miss going out with friends. Being the pregnant one at a concert is kind of a buzz-kill for anyone who wants to get loud or drink. And I miss THE OPPORTUNITY, not necessarily the action of having a cold beer every blue moon (pun intended...with an orange.)
I look at these three complaints and I realize that I naively dreamt of all of things going back to the way I once knew them. Ha, silly Nikki. Yet, I smile that I have new opportunities to sneak off to the gym will Rylee is at grandma's house, or cherish 10 minutes with my husband alone. Not for any negative reason, but because God is blessing us with a baby girl.
Rylee Nicole, you are worth every single change in my life. God, give Scott and I wisdom to know how lucky we are and to cherish change and the moments that are as we remembered.
I guess I'll write Monday...it is a big doctor day as we will decide about a C-section!
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Growing Pains...
This seems to be the theme this week. I am growing, Rylee's growing, my family is growing. One word sums it up: uncomfortable. Both good and bad are indicative emotions of this time so we "just keep swimming." There are several areas I/we are growing lately:
My body: I feel like I am about to pop and yet I still have 2 months to go. It is a task to put on my socks and I keep having to move further away from the steering wheel. I went to the hospital this week due to some weird contractions...I suppose my uterus is just practicing...?
Rylee: She is a little ahead of herself, growing to almost 3 weeks ahead of her gestational age...slow down little girl!! Mom and Dad need you to stay put for as long as possible.
Lifestyle: I went from a cute VW bug to a cute-but-still-a-mommy-car Subaru SUV this week. With a new car comes shrinking play money for dates yet increasing excitement around seeing Rylee in my rear-view mirror soon.
Scott and I have been crabby because in the mix of buy, fixing, preparing, growing and minimizing--we miss each other. I just don't want to lose us in the mix of all this newness. So we have decided to claim back our Sun-Mon weekend for our own and limit the amount of "business" we accomplish. It is so easy to get careless with your most important relationship (second only to God). Just talking about, I get this sense of longing and determination to make time for my husband.
In the midst of the growing, we will go back to the little things that got us here...
My body: I feel like I am about to pop and yet I still have 2 months to go. It is a task to put on my socks and I keep having to move further away from the steering wheel. I went to the hospital this week due to some weird contractions...I suppose my uterus is just practicing...?
Rylee: She is a little ahead of herself, growing to almost 3 weeks ahead of her gestational age...slow down little girl!! Mom and Dad need you to stay put for as long as possible.
Lifestyle: I went from a cute VW bug to a cute-but-still-a-mommy-car Subaru SUV this week. With a new car comes shrinking play money for dates yet increasing excitement around seeing Rylee in my rear-view mirror soon.
Scott and I have been crabby because in the mix of buy, fixing, preparing, growing and minimizing--we miss each other. I just don't want to lose us in the mix of all this newness. So we have decided to claim back our Sun-Mon weekend for our own and limit the amount of "business" we accomplish. It is so easy to get careless with your most important relationship (second only to God). Just talking about, I get this sense of longing and determination to make time for my husband.
In the midst of the growing, we will go back to the little things that got us here...
Monday, February 21, 2011
March is approaching...
This week, Rylee went from being a "too small" baby to being one of the bigger babes on the block! She is almost two weeks bigger than her gestational age. I can't complain because she is healthy. We do have to start thinking C-section though. I am obsessed with her...Scott and I talk to her, sing to her and dance with her.
Today hit me though as I thought about deeply seeded fears I have about "screwing her up." I just pray that I can give up control of this whole experience and be free to play and let my imagination run with how beautiful this experience has been. One thing I do know is that Scott will be a wonderful dad. He will be a great balance to my OCD lists and rules and Rylee will surely delight in her dad's silly nature.
As heavy as some moments have been in these 7 months, I realize the journey has yet to begin. I keep thinking about getting to the due date, but I am having a hard time imagining a baby living in that crib and messing up the cute outfits I have laid out. HA! I know anyone who reads this will laugh at my naivete...but I'll learn. :)
As March approaches, I anticipate its content with such excitement. Seattle will only become more beautiful, the Freemont Market will again become my favorite Sunday past time and I get to meet up with friends in honor of Rylee. I am so grateful, and so I enter this next chapter with arms open wide...
Today hit me though as I thought about deeply seeded fears I have about "screwing her up." I just pray that I can give up control of this whole experience and be free to play and let my imagination run with how beautiful this experience has been. One thing I do know is that Scott will be a wonderful dad. He will be a great balance to my OCD lists and rules and Rylee will surely delight in her dad's silly nature.
As heavy as some moments have been in these 7 months, I realize the journey has yet to begin. I keep thinking about getting to the due date, but I am having a hard time imagining a baby living in that crib and messing up the cute outfits I have laid out. HA! I know anyone who reads this will laugh at my naivete...but I'll learn. :)
As March approaches, I anticipate its content with such excitement. Seattle will only become more beautiful, the Freemont Market will again become my favorite Sunday past time and I get to meet up with friends in honor of Rylee. I am so grateful, and so I enter this next chapter with arms open wide...
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
It is a work in process...Rylee Nicole
Putting the Crib together...
Even Reagan helped!
I made the hair clips and my friend Lylia made the hat.
Pregnancy made me crafty...
Too much pink for me but I could not resist!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
It has been a year since I blogged...
And Oh what a year! At first I thought that I would abandon blogging all together, instead I decided that I would lower my expectations by blogging when I could. Scott and I learned so much in our first year of marriage. We have now made it to a new place in the journey and feel so grateful for the experiences which have forced us to communicate, relate and compromise. I think some couples don't learn lessons as this for years down the road.
I am glad to say that all four of our parents have made it to a stable place in their illness. Nikki's mom and dad are both in remission and feeling great. Scott's mom is still in treatment, but her cancer markers have remained low and stable. Scott's dad has made it through triple bypass and several infections. He has days of pain, but has a great attitude and is becoming more and more independent. We are thankful for God's work in this area.
The "C" word, Cancer, has evoked many emotions for us, from anger to fight, we have felt it all. In July 2010 I started have extreme abdominal pain, which they thought was my appendix. In August they finally decided to remove the appendix, and found no infection, but did find a cancerous mass attached to both the appendix and the colon. Two weeks later, I was still uncomfortable, but it was quickly diagnosed as 7 weeks pregnant!!
Failing to make sense of it all, we moved forward with how to treat the cancer and have a healthy baby. The Lord put people in our path with compassion, including my job and our church, family and friends. We made the decision to wait on chemo, allowing the baby to grow without such a risk to her. I go to the doctor weekly (sometimes twice) to monitor the cancer, gestational diabetes and low immune system.
The baby is now a 2.5 lb girl, Rylee Nicole, who is growing without any problems! She loves to kick and turn but is losing room as we head into the third trimester. Scott and I could not be more excited! It is the most amazing and difficult thing I've ever dealt with because it is so hard listening to the doctors about my health, knowing that God is growing in me a unexpected miracle.
We are planning on having Rylee as naturally as possible, hoping she will comes when she is ready. We do know that the risk exists that we may have to induce early but I already have my hospital bag packed and birth plan ready (I know, I am thorough/anal/etc.) Depending on where my cancer count stands postpartum, we will decide on chemo or as I am praying--the cancer will be gone!
Scott has been a miracle. He supports me and even cleans when I don't feel good. I am blessed beyond reason to have him...
I am glad to say that all four of our parents have made it to a stable place in their illness. Nikki's mom and dad are both in remission and feeling great. Scott's mom is still in treatment, but her cancer markers have remained low and stable. Scott's dad has made it through triple bypass and several infections. He has days of pain, but has a great attitude and is becoming more and more independent. We are thankful for God's work in this area.
The "C" word, Cancer, has evoked many emotions for us, from anger to fight, we have felt it all. In July 2010 I started have extreme abdominal pain, which they thought was my appendix. In August they finally decided to remove the appendix, and found no infection, but did find a cancerous mass attached to both the appendix and the colon. Two weeks later, I was still uncomfortable, but it was quickly diagnosed as 7 weeks pregnant!!
Failing to make sense of it all, we moved forward with how to treat the cancer and have a healthy baby. The Lord put people in our path with compassion, including my job and our church, family and friends. We made the decision to wait on chemo, allowing the baby to grow without such a risk to her. I go to the doctor weekly (sometimes twice) to monitor the cancer, gestational diabetes and low immune system.
The baby is now a 2.5 lb girl, Rylee Nicole, who is growing without any problems! She loves to kick and turn but is losing room as we head into the third trimester. Scott and I could not be more excited! It is the most amazing and difficult thing I've ever dealt with because it is so hard listening to the doctors about my health, knowing that God is growing in me a unexpected miracle.
We are planning on having Rylee as naturally as possible, hoping she will comes when she is ready. We do know that the risk exists that we may have to induce early but I already have my hospital bag packed and birth plan ready (I know, I am thorough/anal/etc.) Depending on where my cancer count stands postpartum, we will decide on chemo or as I am praying--the cancer will be gone!
Scott has been a miracle. He supports me and even cleans when I don't feel good. I am blessed beyond reason to have him...
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