Goodbye Miss Modesty!

We have increased our doctor's appointments to twice per week because I am having contractions (but my cervix is normal.)  It was so assuring to have the nurse walk in during our non-stress test (NST) and without much glance, was able to determine:  "oh wow, Rylee is healthy and happy".  Her heartbeat and movement are great and my health report was so positive.  I still haven't gained any weight, and while my doc worries, I am not complaining!  With all of these appointments, I feel thankful for insurance (it is SO expensive!!), supportive doctors who listen, an incredible husband, friends, family and God's grace to allow me to handle hours of poking, prodding and the abandonment of my modest imposition!  :)

This is the first week since moving to Seattle that I have a sense of "settling in" to my life here.  It was a comfortable peace--a gift I had not realized I needed.  It was a piece of the puzzle that came together and Rylee will benefit from the blessing. 

With Japan's tragedy consuming the news, I wonder how to pray.  Do I pray that the Lord doesn't come back until after Rylee's born?  I secretly have...Do I pray that God never bring a catastrophe like that again and that all of the people get their "stuff" back?  I can make it really complicated and then I remember the Lord's reminder in 2 Corinthians that when I don't have the words, god is perfect to rescue you me in my weakness...to rescue all of us in our time of need.  Thank you God that I can pray for Japan and you know the needs; that I can pray for my daughter and you already have this new family in your hands.  Continue to bring to my mind a love for others and time set apart to bring them before you in trust that you answer prayer.

I cannot wait for Rylee to come.  My friends from work are having a shower for me this Saturday and the church next Sunday...we are SO blessed!!  Scott is so cute...he is busy-bodied nester around the house most nights.  I will post pics of the shower soon...until then...

Trying to turn my selfishness into selflessness...

But I am having some trouble.  This has been a rough week and I am emotionally exhausted as a result.  In the same breath though, I am grateful because everything I am feeling/experiencing is completely normal in pregnancy!  So, some of you may be able to relate...

I am ready to go back to the gym.  As spring approaches, I would like to abandon my waddle and embrace bathing suit inspiration (so don't go anywhere, just sit tight and I will get back to you ASAP!)  It is the whiny voice inside of my head that yearns for smaller everything and "normal" shopping sprees to Nordstrom Rack.  I miss snuggling with my husband and having my dog lay on my belly without someone quite literally kicking him off.

I am also ready to get back to school.  Despite my best efforts, I have been defeated by pregnancy and cancer, therefore, I am delaying one more time.  I feel like a broken record calling the school with the same sob story now for the second time, but also my pride takes a blow as it delays my goals.

I miss going out with friends.  Being the pregnant one at a concert is kind of a buzz-kill for anyone who wants to get loud or drink.  And I miss THE OPPORTUNITY, not necessarily the action of having a cold beer every blue moon (pun intended...with an orange.)

I look at these three complaints and I realize that I naively dreamt of all of things going back to the way I once knew them.  Ha, silly Nikki.  Yet, I smile that I have new opportunities to sneak off to the gym will Rylee is at grandma's house, or cherish 10 minutes with my husband alone.  Not for any negative reason, but because God is blessing us with a baby girl.

Rylee Nicole, you are worth every single change in my life.  God, give Scott and I wisdom to know how  lucky we are and to cherish change and the moments that are as we remembered.

I guess I'll write Monday...it is a big doctor day as we will decide about a C-section!